OnWards & UpWards

Love that – thanks Richard Stevens!

Its been a weird week.

After the run on Sunday I rested on Monday (actually we walked round Virginia Water to see the Punch Bowl which is a riot of colour at the moment and still not quite yet at its best)  Then Tuesday a sports massage.  Charlotte has waxed lyrical about Rosemary – and I can only do the same. Not just in terms of setting me up physically – but also psychologically.  I hate going because I know she is going to hurt me – for the first time ever there was some serious swearing involved (on my part I hasten to add!), but I love it the next day as I feel pain free and free flowing! She has been so practical with advice (although still cant get my head round the chewing gum thing!) and amazingly supportive. And I’m her favourite because I really do stretch and she can tell!!

Wednesday there was no track session so I went for the 40 minutes as advised by my plan. I was an emotional wreck.  Convinced that the dog I was passing was going to rip my calf out, then a tennis ball 100 metres in front of me I was going to step on and fall, little twigs became huge obstacles, people had dustbins on the pavement (it was dustbin day the following day but how selfish) which meant I would have to step into the road where I would be hit by a car, then a runner came towards me so of course I was going to fall off the pavement and break my ankle – Wasn’t a good run!

Thursday we went to Expo.  Charlotte was like a puppy on speed.  I wanted to catch her excitement – but I couldn’t.  The business part of the trip was finished in about 10 minutes – and 7 of that was waiting for Charlotte and her photos. We met up with Laura and wandered around.  Charlotte providing the fun.  By the end I was getting fed up with people trying to sell me things – sponsorship of a guide dog, the food that comes in a box that you then cook – etc. Or trying to persuade me that their marathon was worth going to. I was happy to score a strike on the skittles and earn Asthma UK a £5 donation though.

I know I’m sounding a bit down – but at this point I am still in denial – I want to be excited – but I cant get there.

Friday was difficult work wise – found it difficult to concentrate although I did eventually get my essential and part of my desirable stuff done – and it was the last day for one of my besties – that was hard.

Friday was also the very last Phil the Bag day.  Loads of black bags have again taken up our garage.  Steve, bless him, waited for the bloke to arrive and they managed between them to sort the broken garage door so that about 100 bags didn’t have to be carried thru the house.  We have done so well out of this organisation – but I’m glad not to ever have to see a black bag again!

Home – pathetic 25 mins run – pub.  Still no alcohol – that part has gone surprisingly easily.

I have slept well this week.  I actually feel that the denial is a self preservation thing.  If I accept what is happening – I would be a lot worse and wont sleep.  I only had one minor dream about it all earlier in the week.  I was on my way to the start with Steve – we had arrived well in time and making our way with thousands of others to the start line when he decides to take a ‘short cut’.  Now my children, and many of our walking friends will know what this means. I suddenly realise that we are on our own and have lost everyone.  Fortunately I wake up before the recriminations begin!

Today is even more weird!  Things to do but I am sitting on the sofa reading all the good luck messages.  Finally on the advice of my daughter – I put the phone down and go and do the Tesco shop.  Cant focus at all.  When going through the till the very bored young man does the standard ‘any plans for the weekend’?  I laugh and say ‘actually I’m running the London marathon tomorrow’.  Then it hits me like a sledgehammer.


And promptly burst into tears.  He wont ask that question again! I manage to get to my car through a film of tears – open my boot ……….. and find 3 very full black bags. Bugger.

I am now in a mix of fear, panic, and intense pride and excitement.


Well that’s something I never thought I would say!


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